TempestuousConquest

I'm so damn outraged right now, so spiteful and furious, I don't even know how in the world I can possibly hold myself still from screaming and crying and bashing in skulls with something heavy. The past is repeating itself on someone from my school and it's a destiny I cannot even wish for my worst foe.

An hour or so ago I overheard one of the most repulsing conversations I've heard in my entire life. It was about how some guys and girls were going to break down all hope and lust for life of a girl at my school by antagonize her until she probably kills herself. I couldn't stand to hear it; I've pinched my forearms so hard 'till they were all black and blue and tears filled my eyes and still I couldn't stop myself from overhearing.

I hate those guys so much for what they did to me a couple of years ago; exactly the same as they're planning to do to this other girl. In the end I was much stronger then them, but I'll never forget the feeling of being in pain and enraged and ashamed. To hide when I was alone, so they wouldn't find me. The feeling that the whole world turns against you without a reason, until the point I thought it was better to kill all of them and rot away in prison where they wouldn't be able to find me and harass me anymore.

The worst is that they enjoy this feeling of might of someone's pain. Whatever happens, I'm going to protect this girl from them with all of my capabilities, even if I get hurt halfway. I won't let them taint her memories of what could be the most beautiful time in her life. I won't let them scar her heart with their filthy tricks. If they dare to lay a hand on her, of even say something that could upset her, I will need someone to hold me back, or I will go berserk until I've made their faces into something even their parents can't love no more.

Five years of their triumph has been more then enough. This girl won't suffer as long as I'm around to protect her. I'll teach them what they taught me; to be heartless and to never ever show mercy on those you really despise.

It's because they're a bunch of nontechnical, inconsiderate apes without any potential to reach a higher intellect then a slice of smelly cheese. That's why.

Today my account was blocked because they said I was hacked. Well, the first question that pops into my head is THEN WHY DID YOU LET THAT HAPPEN?! Alright, people make mistakes, that's natural.

I followed some vague and cheap looking procedure to regain my account, since I use that account for almost everything, including school and an organisation where I'm the president so I have to be reachable anytime, anywhere. So than I could get a reactivation-code. That would be alright IF I HAD THE POSSIBILITY OF SENDING IT TO ANOTHER ADDRESS THEN THE ONE THAT WAS BLOCKED. I mean; darn, how in the world could i read that code if I don't have access. THAT LACK OF ACCESS IS THE WHOLE POINT!

Alright, that's dumb but it gets worse. After that I tried filling in questions of verify it was me. I called people to ask them stuff I didn't remember myself and after I was finally finished, I got an error message. And when I filled it in again, I got another one, and again and again and again. Seems that didn't work.

After that I was getting kinda annoyed, so I wanted contact information, so I could call the help-desk. I couldn't find any phone number, later explained by "since this is a free service, you cannot contact us by phone. Send a message and we will answer as soon as possible."

And so I tried. You know what is ironic; YOU CANNOT MAIL HOTMAIL THAT YOU CANNOT LOGIN IF YOU AREN'T LOGGED IN. Now who came up with that?!

Tried making a new account, but every time I tried to log in, it said my password wasn't valid. It was, but apparently, hotmail does everything with might and main to piss me off. The bad thing is that they kinda succeeded in doing that.

I curse the day that the parents of the inventor of those weird and illogical measures laid eyes on each other. I hope this guy or woman suffers from broken elbows in combination with an extreme form of incontinence; he or she deserves it.

Live from my vacation address, I'm now stalking whoever wants to read this because I'm very bored. Everybody is already sleeping and I'm not allowed to go to a pub alone because "otherwise I have a hangover tomorrow" and although I won't, they still don't let me, so I'm bored. Yeah.

And because I'm bored here's this little message to my friend Soleila15: please post your stuff at WvD, because I'm to most impatient person in the world and I'll keep stalking you if you don't. It's just for your own good.

And there's this strange change in behaviour because today… almost don't dare to say… today… I've worn a dress. Now you can all look at me startled and drop your eyeballs on the floor and such, just so I can say again: yes, I've worn a dress. And we can repeat this for a couple of times. It wasn't even black and it wasn't even floor-length, that's what's strange about it.

I've also got this big writers block which I usually don't have. Ever. But now I've got almost everything ready: my characters, the setting, the storyline and the end. My only problem is: I don't know where to start! It's eating me. I just want to write a new book so eagerly and now this happens. Maybe it's because I want to write a new book so badly. It was so much fun last time and it earns a pleasant amount of money too.

I already love the characters, I just don't know what to do with them yet. It's like wearing your favourite underwear; you want to, but you can't just show it to everybody because that's kind of strange. And I hate that feeling.

Today was supposed to be the most important birthday of my life, my 18th. I was going to celebrate being officially an adult (on paper, that is. I don’t think I’ll ever grow up). I had invited 15 people and 8 of them called they couldn’t come because they had to go to a funeral. AGAIN. Every time I’m going to celebrate my birthday, someone seems to die. If not, there still is something more important then me, like an unforgettable concert of a band I don’t know or a party given by someone who is slightly (or a lot) cooler then me.

Well, there still would be 7 people, never mind most of them where from the same household, so no reason to cancel the “party”. Well, I waited… and waited… and waited…. And almost an hour late the first two came. It’s not that it’s about presents for me, since I don’t lack anything so I won’t nag, but well, there was this poor excuse and I was already feeling kind of miserable because nobody came.  Alright, I accepted their excuse though it was clearly made up on the way to my place and I decided that I shouldn’t lose hope. So I waited and waited and waited again, while I listened to sad stories about those guy I didn’t even know that died. Great, my birthday was celebrated like that funeral where all my guests had ran to.

In the mean time, no new guests came. Apparently, they wouldn’t come either but where too lazy or too ashamed to give me a ring. Or they just forgot, I don’t care, they weren’t there without a valid reason.  Now I’m being slightly tipsy, sick from eating birthday cake all myself and tired as hell. The party that was supposed to be the best one of my life turned out to be, well, all you can read above. A big sarcastic great.

I broke up with my boyfriend. Officially. After almost three years. It all went kind of smooth and maturely, but still…
It was all so icy and silent as if any word was too much to bare. And now I feel like…

… a monster. A ruthless, cold-hearted and spiteful monster that knows no mercy and breaks the innocent hearts of guys that would give their skull for me.

Off course I had my reasons, but still. It's all so doubtful. I'm so confused. And I don't know why exactly. I don't know if it's too complicated or too easy. I don't know if I could have done it any better, if I left things unclear, if I did anything wrong to make it all worse… I JUST DON'T KNOW.

I feel vulnerable and small and it's like my shield to the world has broken to pieces of which I lost so many I can't fix it anymore. And I don't want to fix it, but knowing that scares the hell out of me.

I can't eve believe what happened. It's like I just woke from a feverish nightmare, turn on the light and see I just dreamt it. It's not real to me yet.

And I feel cold. Wait, cold is an understatement. I feel like I'm a nudist on Nova Zembla, and nothing can warm me. The cold has already gotten inside of me and is now consuming my flesh and bones and there is absolutely NOTHING I CAN DO.

I have to wake up. Alone. Save. As if my ex-boyfriend never existed. Please someone, wake me up!